Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Social Death

The saddest thing about full-time motherhood is that you don't have a social life for a while. This period can last as long as 2-3 years, til the little one is in preschool. Among my fellow mothers, though, I don't know anyone who really felt the social death apart from myself as everyone has nannies or lives with or close to their parents.

While fatherhood certainly added to the burden on my husband's shoulders in terms of finances, his life has remained pretty much the same except for the 12 hour workdays cutting into golf and happy hour time. When he wants to, he can still have a drink with friends or spend the day diving or on the golf course. More often, he chooses to spend the time with us, but that is a choice and not an inevitability.

I, on the other hand, have not done anything truly social in 14 months. I've had people over for tea and lunch, but only understanding friends and fellow mothers. Two evenings spent at single friends' housewarmings and a Halloween party were cut short as Little A got sleepy, and one Christmas dinner with friends was spent with my husband and I alternating holding Little A and eating, while the other one we didn't bother going to at all. The friend I used to have lovely monthly lunches with for 3 years has all but given up on me, and last week I RSVP'd no for myself but yes for my husband to attend a friend's wedding. I could have asked my parents to babysit and gone the wedding, as my sisters so often do with their kids, but decided not to, as for one thing, Little A isn't fully weaned yet, and the reception would cut into his bedtime.

When wishing a fellow mother a happy birthday a few weeks ago, she replied by texting, "Let's go out sometime. It's not healthy for you to be with Little A 24/7!" Sigh. It probably isn't, and I do want Little A to get used to being without me for longer than an hour at a time, but as my husband says time and time again, as Little A gets older, he'll only want to spend more time away from us, so we should make the most of the time he wants to spend with us while it lasts.

My social activities of the past year have been limited to christenings and children's parties. There have been plenty of both though, and this weekend starts another round. And if our family does end up relocating, (Big A is being considered for an overseas post) then at least I'm used to staying home with Little A, as I will do there until new friends are made.

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